A light in the darkness

mark_ka / stock.adobe.com

Between society, our friends and family, colleagues and peers, it can be challenging to be our authentic selves when other opinions and perceptions surround us daily.

So, how can we drown out the background noise and tune into ourselves? Admittingly, I wasn't sure how to do this as it's a process I've been avoiding because I was fairly sure I wasn't going to like all I would discover, or rediscover. Nonetheless, I dove in and am still diving down. It's dark in here, but there is light and beauty too; in the quiet of the darkness, I am finding the answers I sought.

The road to discovery

The dark places are those in which I’ve buried old hurts; nothing but closed-off spaces from myself so I didn't dwell. Until recently, I had not taken the time or effort to open them back up, clear out the clutter, reorganize, examine and reexamine more closely what was in there and why. Carving out the time to sort through the good and bad parts of yourself allows you to cut ties with those that no longer serve you and bring to light all the ones that do.

I've always ‘joked’ that I do have a dark side. Trying to make light of the seriousness that I felt within. By dark, I’m not referring to what some make synonymous with evil. Dark as in heaviness, disruption, stirring the proverbial pot. Akin to a dragon that if let her out, I wasn’t sure I could—or would—be able to remain in control. If I’m being honest, I wasn’t sure that I would want to.

Through the trenches

As of late, I’ve been smacked in the heart, soul, mind, and—metaphorically—the face. The ongoing movement of Black Lives Matter is 1 I am truly passionate about embracing and advancing. But it has also made me realize—painfully and gratefully—that I hadn’t embraced it wholly until now. I’d become isolated, microcosmically outspoken, but beyond that? Not so much, not nearly enough. I’d swallowed the red pill of the masses and believed that I was 1 of the good 'ones,' but this is not about me, this is about what I’ve learned and am still learning. I’m not ‘one of the good ones,' not yet, but I want to be. I want to be more than just words. I want to be more than empathetic. I need to be. My children need me to be. My community needs me to be.

Silent majorities make and break societies daily. I don’t like being broken or being amidst the shards. I’m innately a fixer. A healer. But I’ve got work of my own to do before I dare to venture out. I must identify my prejudices. Own them. Examine them, dissect them, discard them. Learn. Learn more. Do. Do more.

Embrace your light

Opening my inner consciousness is part of this journey. My goal in grounding myself and being open to my potential. I’ll be more. More present. More aware. More of it all. Except when I can’t, because sometimes I’ll fail. But I’ll never stop trying, doing, and being. I’ve embarked on this journey into my darkness, holding a candle that will kindle into a healing and cleansing flame.

What constitutes your darkness? How will you travel in and emerge on the other side? As you embark on this adventure of self-discovery, remember that you are not alone. Each journey starts with a single step. So, take it. Make the effort. Be your own light so that, in turn, you can shine the way for someone else to begin.