Tips to tackle difficult discussions

Help! I stepped on Harley, and he's hurt real bad!" When Scott Wettstein, CVT, heard this frantic pet owner's plea, he knew how to respond. He coaxed the miniature pincher from the truck driver's hands and reassured the gentle giant that the doctors would do the best they could for his pet.

It was the next conversation he'd have with this stranger that made him sweat. He had to ask the truck driver for a down payment; and every minute of Harley's care upped the bill. In the next 15 minutes, the bill could easily skyrocket to $500 just to stabilize the little dog.

Wettstein took a deep breath and said the words he'd used with hundreds of frantic pet owners before: "Sir, we will need a down payment for Harley's care. We accept several major credit cards and offer flexible third-party payment plans. Which option will work best for you?" Then Wettstein presented the estimate.

He couldn't have been more surprised by what happened next. The truck driver reached in his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash.

Conversations you just should not have

It's not always that easy, but Wettstein's protocol guided him through a potentially difficult conversation. Below, you'll find examples of seven tough conversations your colleagues have faced and advice on the best responses.

1. Discussing money with clients

Wettstein's conversation with the truck driver went smoothly—but talking about money isn't always easy, especially when the person isn't a regular client. First-time clients with critically ill pets have often accused Wettstein, a technician at Oakview Veterinary Medical Center in Plover, Wis., of caring only about the money when he asks for a down payment.

"I try to be tactful and explain that a few people who haven't paid their bills have made it difficult for the rest of the clientele," he says. "I say, 'Our first concern is your pet, but we need to keep our doors open, so we require payment at the time of service.' After this conversation, clients usually calm down and we can discuss payment options."

2. Broaching an odor problem with a co-worker

If your co-worker is the source of that funky smell that's been circulating around the practice, you may have a difficult conversation on your hands. And if the odor bothers you, you're the best person to discuss the problem with the offender, says Roger Cummings, CVPM, a Firstline Editorial Advisory Board member and a consultant with Brakke Consulting in Dallas. Before you panic, take a deep breath to remind yourself why you're having this discussion. Smells pretty bad, doesn't it? You might not be the only one who thinks so.

Cummings offers these tips to launch the conversation. Start by asking to speak to the co-worker in private. Choose your words carefully—you need to be polite, sincere, and sensitive. Remember, the smell is as much your problem as it is her's, so present it this way: "I apologize, Susan, but I'm very sensitive to certain fragrances and smells. I realize this is my problem, but I was hoping you could help. I know you get a lot of compliments on your Dizzy Lizard perfume, but the smell gives me a headache. Would you mind not wearing this fragrance at work?"

Rules of engagement

3. Discussing a front- versus back-office problem

The technicians are mad because the receptionist fails to get clients' phone numbers when they drop off their pets. Receptionists are upset that the veterinary assistants are slow to answer their pagers when clients are waiting. These see mingly small conflicts could swell into World War III if you don't gear up to hold a difficult conversation.

But before you launch into a full-fledged battle, Cummings suggests you look in the mirror. Are you feeding the fight with gossip or retaliation for perceived slights? Try changing your behavior and see whether the situation improves.

If the problem persists, keep a log of the unacceptable behavior, so you can be specific when you discuss it. "For example, saying 'John is lazy' means nothing," Cummings says. "Instead, say 'John didn't tell the technicians about the boarded dog that vomited on Wednesday.' "

Start the discussion by asking for a few minutes of your co-workers' time, Cummings says, and walk through the conversation in your mind before you meet. A great ice-breaker: Tell your co-workers that you have a problem, and you need their help to solve it. Only go to the boss if your co-workers don't respond positively and the problem interferes with your work.

4. Telling the boss you're pregnant

You might feel like shouting the word from the rooftops or you may prefer to keep the news to yourself. Either way, you must tell your boss right away. "When you're having a baby and you work in a small, intimate environment, the tendency is to tell co-workers," Cummings says. "But you need to tell your manager first."

Start by asking your manager for 10 minutes of private time. You'll give your news, but don't feel like you have to answer a lot of questions now. Your boss might want to know how long you're planning to take for maternity leave and whether you plan to return to work afterward. Cummings says the best response is to explain you don't have all of the answers now, but you'd be glad to discuss the situation further after you've had time to think about these questions.

In follow-up conversations, bring solutions that will make your absence easier for your team. For example, Brian Conrad, CVPM, the practice manager at Meadow Hills Veterinary Center in Kennewick, Wash., says the bookkeeper at his practice planned ahead when she was preparing for the birth of her second child. She typed a list of her duties and offered recommendations about which team members could take over the tasks while she was gone.

One note: If you're thinking you'd rather wait a while longer before you make your announcement, think again. Remember, a veterinary hospital can be a dangerous place for a pregnant woman if she doesn't take the appropriate precautions. For example, you may not be able to perform chores related to anesthesia or radiology. Be up front, Cummings advises, so your manager can find someone else to handle these duties.

5. Explaining a morale problem to the boss

It's easy to feel intimidated by the idea of approaching even the friendliest boss with a delicate issue. Susan Weaver, a practice manager at Lake Road Animal Hospital in Horseheads, N.Y., remembers how anxious she felt when she prepared to present some ideas to improve staff morale to her boss.

"My boss is approachable, but he's still my boss, so I felt nervous before the discussion," Weaver says. "He was very receptive, and he considered the suggestions carefully. He even thanked me for bringing this matter to him. He put me at ease that I was doing the right thing."

What made the difference? Weaver says the conversation went smoothly for a couple of reasons. First, she collected the facts, soliciting team members' feedback and compiling a list of suggestions. Second, she approached the conversation with the right attitude. "If I were looking to complain without a solution, it would have been much more difficult," Weaver says. "I came to him with good intentions."

6. Confronting a co-worker about a personality conflict

Everyone's had a personal problem with a co-worker—and misunderstandings are frequent culprits. Janine Swailes, DVM, co-owner of Meadow Hills Veterinary Center, offers this example. "We asked two team members to work together on a project," she says. "Cindy was a new, young employee; Anna was a little older and much more assertive, and she intimidated Cindy."

One day, a team leader found Cindy behind the building crying. "I told her she needed to talk to Anna," says Dr. Swailes. "When Cindy told Anna how she felt, she said she'd never meant for Cindy to feel intimidated. After their conversation, Cindy and Anna always got along."

To help team members prepare to talk with co-workers, the managers at Meadow Hills Veterinary Center offer these coaching tips:

• Take a day or two to cool down before you approach your co-worker.

• Don't attack the person. Explain the action you didn't like and how it made you feel.

• Listen to your co-worker's response. Often the problem amounts to a misunderstanding.

The key, Conrad says, is to work out the problem without involving managers. "Staff members often resolve these situations without me," he says. "If I don't get involved, the problem doesn't escalate."

7. Asking for extra leave

Perhaps a family member passed away. Or you've just discovered your mother will start chemotherapy soon. Maybe you need a little extra time off to take care of your own medical condition. Whatever the situation, it's not easy to ask—especially if you've thought through the hardship your absence may cause. But choosing the right approach could make your boss more receptive. "If team members start by acknowledging the hardship the practice will suffer because of their absence, I'm willing to do anything to help," Conrad says.

Susan Thorson, DVM, co-owner of Meadow Hills Veterinary Center, remembers two cases of employees who both went through life-altering crises. One was going through a difficult divorce that involved a nasty custody battle. The other lost two family members and suffered through a very public murder case. The difference: The employee involved in the custody battle never talked to her bosses about her absences. She took the attitude that she would show up when she could.

The other employee presented her managers with the dates she would be absent for the funeral and cancelled another vacation she had planned for later in the year. "The employee who had to be absent for the funeral communicated with us," says Dr. Thorson. "She recognized that it was her co-workers who'd feel her absence most, and she volunteered to take on extra shifts when she returned from leave."

It's normal to dread difficult conversations, but you should be prepared to face them with clients, co-workers, or even your boss. Whether you broach the topic—or someone else does—remember this advice: Take a few minutes to organize your thoughts and make sure you have the facts straight. "Approach the conversation with a positive attitude and hope for a good outcome," Weaver says. "If you're trying to be fair, you can walk away from the conversation knowing you did your best."

Check your facts

Sometimes you'll have time to prepare to discuss tough topics, and other times you'll have to dive in. If you have time to prepare, Sharon Richards, a receptionist at Sun City Animal Hospital in Sun City, Ariz., suggests checking your facts. For example, if a client has a complaint about a bill, check the medical records again to confirm the services you provided.

Preparing for Pivotal conversations

"You're fired"

You really never want to say these words. But if you have to, Susan Weaver, a practice manager at Lake Road Animal Hospital in Horsehead, N.Y., offers this tip: Be direct. Explain your position, your reasons, and close the conversation. Most important, don't argue.

Of course, you never want someone to be surprised when you fire them. Long before you cut someone loose, your employee needs to know what the problem is and what he or she can do to fix it.

Additional reading

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes Are High, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler (McGraw-Hill, 2002), gives strategies for preparing for high-stakes conversations with anyone in your life and teaches you to build situations that make it safe to talk about almost anything.

Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler (McGraw-Hill, 2005), gives you help resolving problems that arise from failed promises, missed deadlines, and bad behavior.