Just how far can you stretch a dollar?

Mr. Dollar had absolutely no intention of skimping on anything as importantas the health of his pet.

"Bottom is the best dog I've ever had, Doc," he said. "Let'sget this problem figured out. Run any tests or take any X-rays that youthink you need. I don't care about the cost. Bottom is my best friend. Moneyis no object."

On the surface, this may appear to be an ideal situation. However, anyexperienced veterinarian knows that the client who professes to be a bigspender is the same client who demands a half-hour explanation of the chargesafter the pooch was admitted to the hospital. I made a mental note to itemizeand justify all the charges carefully, then moved on to my next office call.It was Mrs. Frugal with her cat, Budget. This was their first visit to myoffice.

"Doctor, I hope you can help us. Budget is very sick, but I justcan't afford a lot of high vet bills."

I examined the cat and explained the tests and treatments that I thoughtwere indicated. Unfortunately, further discussion revealed that she hadno money whatsoever with which to help her cat. I wound up offering to providebasic medical treatment for free.

"Oh, thank you, doctor," she said. "I'm so glad we cameto you. By the way, you'll probably want to update him on his vaccines whilehe's here. Also I'll be very anxious to hear about his blood test results,especially the ones for leukemia and FIV. Please keep him with you untilyou're sure he's well. Then, when he comes home, I'll need copies of hisrecords, including X-rays and tests, so that my regular vet can keep themon file."

I wasn't a bit surprised. I've been in practice too long. So, I gaveher a quick lecture on the limits of free treatment, sent her home and wentto answer a waiting phone call. It was Al Paloosa calling about a problemwith his barn cats.

"You know, doctor," he said. "The stables where I keepmy show horses have a lot of cats. They always seem to be breeding. If Ican catch them one at a time and bring them over to you, can you spay themor neuter them or whatever you call it? I know that you vets are concernedabout animal overpopulation. Do you ever do things like this for free, justfor the good of the animals? After all, they're not actually my cats. They'rejust strays."

I told him to check into the low cost programs that are available throughthe local animal shelter. I also suggested that he might send away for reducedcost certificates which are available from the Friends of Gonad Removalorganization. These are just two of the many national and local charitiesin which my clinic participates. When these are added to the list of individualclients for whom we reduce our rates based on need, my clinic comes outsecond to none in the bleeding heart department. None-the-less, there isa point where we have to draw the line. With the conclusion of his call,I found that I had reached another milestone in my life. I had made it throughanother day.

Unfortunately, I couldn't head straight for home. I had an appointmentto see my own physician, Dr. Armand A. Leg. He had been treating me fora back injury and insisted that I come in for regular rechecks. His averageoffice call lasts about 37 seconds. It consists of a handshake, a commentabout his dog, and a casual "how are you this week?" For thisI pay about a dollar a second.

Armand drives a new Jaguar. Each year the Allentown Chapter of the Daughtersof American Wealth hold their Historic Home Tour. His mansion is featured.The most recent visit to him lasted longer than most because he wanted toask me a few things about his new kittens.

As I drove home, I couldn't help but wonder how much I paid to sit thereand answer his questions. The thought didn't bother me, though, becauseI was going to get a chance to recoup a little of my losses. Those new kittenswere going to need shots, leukemia tests and spaying. It was all going tohappen soon, too, because Dr. and Mrs. Leg had an appointment to see methe next day.

I got to my house just in time to answer a call on the home phone fromMrs. Full.

"Doctor, this is Faith Full calling about my dog. He just hasn'tbeen himself all day long. I think he needs to be seen tonight, but youranswering service said that I'd have to take him to the emergency clinic.I can't do that. You're the only veterinarian that we can trust. Can't youcome out to your office and see him? I called the emergency clinic but they'llcharge me a night fee if I go there and they expect to be paid tonight.Can you believe that? They take credit cards, but then I might have to paysome interest. If you'd see us, I figure I could charge it."

I turned her down.

The next morning I headed for the office looking forward to seeing theLeg's new kittens. I would have a new client who didn't nitpick over nickels.Even better, I would get a tiny portion of my orthopedic investment back.It would be a good old-fashioned office call where my advice would be accepted,followed and even paid for.

I was wrong.

As it turned out, the Legs didn't really believe in giving shots to catsbecause, as Mrs. Leg explained, "When I was a kid we had cats and theynever got shots. They never got sick either. We just want to get the freeexam that we are entitled to because of adopting the kittens from the shelter.And, of course, we'll want to schedule them for spaying as soon as our low-costcertificates arrive from the Friends of Gonad Removal Organization."