Mind Over Miller: Bigfoot: The truth is out there

According to an article in the January 2013 issue of Veterinary Practice News, Texas veterinarian Melba S. Ketchum, the director of DNA Diagnostics Inc., says that she has proof that Bigfoot exists in North America. The article goes on to explain that Bigfoot (also known as Sasquatch) is a distinct species that is a hybrid between Homo sapiens and other unknown primates.

In the article, Dr. Ketchum encouraged the government to recognize and protect this species' human and constitutional rights so Bigfoot won't be hunted, trapped, or killed. The report inspired a story on ABC's "Good Morning America."

Now I know that many of you will scoff at this surprising confirmation that Bigfoot exists. You reason that every square foot of the country has been explored, photographed, seen from the air, etc. But I am here to support Dr. Ketchum's findings based on my own experience.

First of all, as an avid skier who has enjoyed the sport in many of the geographic areas where Bigfoot has reportedly been seen, I can confirm the creature's presence. I have frequently seen its tracks in the snow, and several times observed banana peels near the tracks, which, as we all know, is a favorite primate food.

Second, I have personally known several individuals who, although they never admitted it, I am sure were of the Bigfoot species. Two of them were classmates in veterinary school. One was a faculty member.

Moreover, I have had numerous clients who I am sure were Bigfoots. Or should I say, for the plural, Bigfeet? Anatomically, intellectually, and behavior-wise they were Bigfeet or at least hybrids, because superficially I could clearly see Homo sapiens characteristically.

If, as Dr. Ketchum suggests, Bigfeet are granted constitutional rights, I am concerned. How will they vote? We already allow 18-year-olds to vote, and there is a movement afoot (no pun intended) to move the voting age down to 15 years of age. Will voting by less than fully developed minds jeopardize our society?

And if Bigfeet are granted constitutional rights, who will serve them medically? Physicians are only licensed to have humans as patients—not species genetically related to us, even primates. The duty then falls upon us. Are we qualified? Take the feet, for example. A species with such big feet is bound to have problems—corns, bunions, athlete's foot, ingrown toenails, cracked and painful heels. Veterinarians are not specifically trained in podiatry. In fact, the only scientific papers I have seen on podiatry have been at equine practitioners' conferences. Perhaps we are going to need another board-certified specialty. I don't think the American Association of Equine Practitioners will want to include Bigfeet.

Please, if any of my readers have any contributions to make to this situation, make it known. But don't let me know because I am retired. Let Dr. Ketchum know. She is the scientist who is most informed about Bigfoot.

Dr. Robert M. Miller

Robert M. Miller, DVM, is an author and a cartoonist, speaker and Veterinary Medicine Practitioner Advisory Board member. His thoughts in "Mind Over Miller" are drawn from 32 years as a mixed-animal practitioner. Visit his website at robertmmiller.com