When is it time to leave?

We have all had a manager at one point or another that is impossible to work underneath. They twist your words, fly off the handle, take credit for your work, slack off while others are overworked, or embarrass you. It is not too long until you are contemplating whether to look for another job or not. Before you leave, take a hot second and consider 2 particular points.

Did you self-reflect?

The first thing to ask yourself is ‘Is there something I can do to change it?’ If you realize that you are job-hopping for the same lousy things happening to you over and over, then the answer to that question is almost certainly yes. You might be the common denominator in this scenario.

It can be hard to admit, but there is usually a grain of truth in when others call you out. It’s not that it’s all your fault, but it also takes two to tango. Did you really sit down and consider what you could do differently? It is rare that you would have nothing to help you change and grow. Consider having an honest look at yourself and decide what you can do to become better at your role and a better team member.

If the issue is their lack of teamwork, ask yourself if you are being hyper-critical. No one is perfect, and you may have biases creeping in and distorting your perception. Do you feel that you should have been promoted instead of them? Do they seem to be the team favorite? You would not be the first person to succumb to these human tendencies. It is better to find this out for yourself to keep it from sabotaging your ability to make positive relationships in the future.

Self-reflecting might feel like you are validating the mistreatment or lack of teamwork, but what you are doing is giving yourself a chance to grow and improve. This will serve you and your career goals, whether you stay at your current job or find a new one. Once you have identified the things you feel you can improve on, go to your manager and tell them exactly what you discovered about yourself. Provide details on how you plan on showing up in the future. This may or may not correct your ongoing issues with them, but it certainly shows that you are a person of integrity.

Are you holding yourself accountable?

Consider that you may need to take action to address your concerns; don’t wait or assume someone else should figure it out. If you feel something isn’t right or are constantly in conflict with someone, don’t quit until you know that you have truly put forth an effort to improve things. Speak to someone in a position of authority to address your concerns. Gossiping to co-workers or complaining isn’t going to cut it. Put actual effort into a solutions-based conversation. Yes, it will most likely be uncomfortable. Get over it. This is a great example of how you can break the cycle holding you down because you have only yourself to blame if you don’t try. Growing your emotional intelligence is a strength that will serve you in every area of your life. It takes a real sense of personal character to show up when others would rather blame you for their problems or perception.

A great way to make progress in changing a relationship with someone is to apologize for things that you know you can genuinely do better. It’s always best to put this in writing whenever appropriate. If you have a genuinely awful manager, having proof in writing of how hard you are working to make things right can only help you.

Do not get caught up in what you want from them because it is not going to get you to the finish line. Focus on the only thing you can change: yourself. For example, if your manager is unreasonable and seems to attack you rather than listen, you can try asking them how they would prefer you to share information. People usually behave like this because they are easily intimidated and have little personal accountability. Usually, they will continue to tell you what they don’t like about your communication rather than give you helpful suggestions for moving forward. Don’t give up, ask them again, and tell them that your relationship is important to you, and you would love to know how they would like to receive information from you in the future. Hopefully, they will eventually hear you and answer your question in a constructive way. If not, you know that you have done everything you can and are able to move on with a clear conscience.

If you work with someone that constantly slacks and you end up picking up their work, sit down with them and tell them exactly what your concerns are. Best case scenario, they are just incredibly unaware of how their actions are impacting others. Worst case, they don’t care and are probably already looking for another job themselves. Ask them if you can help them in any way, and that you are committed to showing up for them. The point here is that regardless of the problem-always approach these conversations with what you can do, not what the other person is doing wrong. If they continue to let the team down, it’s your responsibility to tell the appropriate manager.

If accountable conversations don’t change anything, and the people in a position of authority can’t, or won’t, do anything to help then you may need to make the switch to a new job.

So, you left, what now?

Be honest and professional in exit interviews. These interviews are not about sticking it to someone it is about continuing to show yourself what you are capable of. Everyone has already heard the saying ‘People don’t leave jobs they leave managers.’ Hopefully, a well-thought-out explanation at your exit interview will make it to the right person. Chances are, the job you are leaving was started by someone that truly cares, otherwise, you probably wouldn’t have started working there in the first place. A truthful and polite response will get more attention than lashing out and throwing shade at someone. Take your newfound sense of heightened integrity with you to your new job and see what you can accomplish.