How to tell if you have a toxic team (Proceedings)

A common mistake made by managers is to ignore problem situations and employees.

·         Good employees leave.

·         Productivity is lost.

·         Morale suffers.

·         Management looks stupid or neglectful.

Most difficult professionals

·         Teachers

·         Lawyers

·         Doctors

o    All are highly educated and talented.

o    Make a living telling others what to do and  educating. Often they have developed ways of manipulating people into compliance.

o    Used to having others obey their wishes.

Ten types, three positions

·         10 types of difficult people

·         3 types of situations

o    The Boss

o    The Co-worker and colleague

o    The Subordinate

§  Tailor tactics to the outcome you want

§  Communication is a choice and a skill

§  No matter how bright you are, being angry, hurt or disappointed blocks your judgment and clouds professionalism.

 Angry and hostile people

·         Chronic belligerents take their anger out on those around them.

·         To overcome inferiority and anxiety, they act in a superior and aggressive way.

·         They NEED to intimidate to bolster their own feelings of self worth.

 The browbeater colleague

Sometimes correction is merited, but verbal abuse should not be tolerated. It is NEVER ok to be disrespected, especially in front of an audience.

·         Browbeaters are habitually cruel

·         They fear loss of control

Strategy

·         To be treated with respect by reducing hostility and developing mutual respect.

·         Respect yourself: You must speak up without cringing or being insubordinate.

·         Practice confrontation at home.

·         Let them vent without interruption, then focus on their concerns (not their anger).

·         Pose questions (hard to be angry and think)

·         Get them to disclose what is really bothering them.

Tip

·         Browbeaters lose their power if you don't cower. Deep down they feel they do not deserve respect.

·         They will admire you for speaking firm and with confidence.

Sadist boss

·         Take pleasure in causing you difficulty

·         Their joy comes in catching you in a mistake and making you squirm

Strategy

·         Reduce daily stress on the job

·         Try shock treatment. Be directly confrontational in an effort to get him to see you as a human, not a punching bag.

·         Learn what recourse you have in your company.

·         No procedure? Write an anonymous letter.

Tip

·         If the strategy and tactics don't work− LEAVE!

Belligerent colleagues

·         Normal to want to react with emotion.

·         After eliminating the option of physical harm to them, work toward getting a result that is in YOUR best interest.

Raging bull colleague

·         Erupt unexpectedly.

Become unglued in a violent fit of “work rage.”

·         They are insecure and see themselves as victims to rationalize their behavior.

Strategy

·         To defuse the raging bull's anger to calm him down and win his confidence.

·         Leave immediately if something is thrown. (Your colleague is childish, you be grown-up).

·         Interrupt by repeating the name.

·         Be prepared to help reduce his stress.  Do not analyze behavior.

·         Encourage him to develop alliances.

·         Suggest professional counseling.

Tip

·         These folks need to be controlled immediately. They cause too much damage to be tolerated at all.

Tackler colleague

·         Attack you personally while arguing an issue.

View you as an opponent, rather than co-worker.

Strategy

·         Maintain professionalism while mapping out a strategy to minimize their damage.

·         Focus the discussion on the issue and do not stoop to their level.

·         Talk to her privately if she continues to “tackle” you.

·         Learn where you can expect support. Make friend with other colleagues.

Envier colleagues

·         They are jealous.

·         Begrudge your praise and want what you have.

·         They believe they should have what you have.

·         Will sabotage you and erode the spirit of the team.

Strategy

·         Protect yourself and, if possible,

·         Help them think more positively.

·         Keep your talks on a high and friendly level.

·         Convey that each person's effort is judged on merit.

·         Encourage enviers.  Help them define their goals.

Tip

·         Dismay an envier with an honest compliment, talk about their interests and offer helpful suggestions. They won't know what to do!

Intimidator colleagues

·         Gain support by implying that they can hurt or embarrass you.

·         Usually covert.

·         Aim to make you feel inferior.

·         They are threatened.

Strategy

·         Keep control of yourself. Don't not allow the intimidator to push you into anything you do not want to do.

·         Rehearse your retorts at home.

·         Force yourself to appear poised and calm.

·         Know when to laugh it off.

Tip

·         Ask yourself; “what am I afraid of?”

·         Break the cycle of anger begetting anger.

·         Focus on the results to be produced.

·         “You are not serious, are you?”

·         “Don't rush me. I am thinking about what you said.”

·         “I am not comfortable with that.”

Belligerent subordinates

·         Your job is to get work done THROUGH these people. Not helpful to the team if you have to force compliance.

·         They sabotage.

·         They use humor to embarrass you.

·         Try to get you to referee their fights.

Bushwhacker subordinate

·         Attack you undercover (usually with a joke).

·         Often in front of an audience knowing that you cannot retaliate.

·         Put you in a double bind.

Strategy

·         Maintain your leadership stance and restore any damage they have done to your standing.

·         Show that you won't stand for being put down.

·         Keep your tone light and your message crystal clear. Turn the tables by asking them to be crystal clear about their implications.

·         Confront them in private. If they won't tell

you, let them know that you know they are attacking you and it must stop.

Tip

·         Stop the sniping with firmness and good humor. If they are willing to discuss it with you, get to the root of the problem. Let them know that future communication styles in this manner won't be treated as leniently.

Hothead subordinate

·         Constantly start arguments with co-workers.

·         May be angry with you, but takes it out on others.

Strategy

·         Review your management style. Be sure you are not rewarding non-performance.

·         Tie team cooperation to bonuses or raises.

·         Treat all workers the same.

·         Refuse to be a referee. If it's a system problem, fix it; if it's a personality clash, insist that they work it out.

Tip

·         Be tough with Hotheads.

·         Let them know that you won't tolerate their outbursts and that their behavior clearly states that their agenda is more important than the practices'.

Quitters

·         Angry employees who jump ship without telling you why.

·         You pay them well, yet they have no sense of loyalty.

·         They feel you are inflexible.

Strategy

·         Keep your employees. This means learning the reasons that people are leaving.

·         Conduct friendly and sincere exit interviews.

·         Decide what you are willing to change.

·         “If nothing changes−nothing changes!”

Tip

·         When you can't pay more money, you must give more trust and respect.

·         “What can we do to make things better?”

Pushy or arrogant people

·         They come at you with such force, you feel you are under siege!

·         You are not the enemy, but you are still attacked.

·         They long to be liked and usually don't have friends.

·         They are so afraid of losing control that being in control becomes their primary goal.

Usurper boss

·         Micromanagers who won't let their own managers manage.

·         So afraid of being in control...must control everything.

·         Subordinates are shut out of the loop and still held accountable.

·         They resent it when you are right because they think it makes them look bad.

Strategy

·         Your goal is to have a say in how you do your job and to be given the freedom to perform well.

·         Change your approach. Insanity is…?

·         Appeal to their desire of professionalism. If they look good, you look good.

·         Present your best ideas as directly or indirectly coming from your boss.

·         Keep your boss informed. Loss of control FRIGHTENS them.

Tip

·         You must decide your own priorities such as career advancement and professional growth.

·         Stop tearing yourself up when it appears your boss is headed in the wrong direction.

·         State your case and let it go!

Competitor colleague

·         These people must surpass you in everything they do. The simplest thing becomes a rivalry.

·         They are afraid they do not really excel.

·         Insecurities create a tense work environment.

Strategy

·         Your goal is to show your colleague that this is a friendly environment and to avoid friendly fire.

·         Be professional and gracious.

·         Explain the value of teamwork and synthesizing.

·         Be honorable in taking and giving credit.

·         Be up front about intentions that may involve competition.

Tip

·         If your own ego is intact, you should be able to be generous with credit and praise.

Rule bender subordinate

·         Cut corners and skirt the borders of acceptability.

·         Make their own rules.

·         Take unauthorized actions.

·         May “threaten” you, or bribe you with their compliance.

Strategy

·         Get them to obtain responsibility before they act without squelching their initiative and energy.

·         Reestablish universal rules and stick with them.

·         Talk face-to-face with them and focus on their behavior, not their personality.

·         Follow up with timed feedback.

Tip

·         Be consistent with rule enforcement.

·         If procedures need to be modified, change them.

·         When rules are not universally enforced, teamwork is destroyed.

Clansman subordinate

·         They exert power by creating a clique or rallying the troops.

·         They push for what they want not based on merit, but on their perceived power.

·         Subvert the chain of command.

Strategy

·         Maintain control of your practice or team. A direct frontal attack will solidify their defense. Your tactics have to be conciliatory.

·         Win over the ring leader.

·         Strengthen the other individuals on the team.

·         Dissolve threatening cliques through reorganization.

·         Utilize cliques when team and time are critical.

Tip

·         Don't clobber the clique.  Utilize it if you can. If not, dissolve it in a quiet professional manner.

Commandant subordinate

·         Bossy and pushy

·         Without authority they order their peers around.

·         Offensively impatient with those that are around them.

·         Aggressive in criticizing their co-workers.

Strategy

·         Your objective is to salvage the Commandant's high level of talent, energy, and productivity and yet teach them how to get along with their peers.

·         Give them the recognition they are due.

·         Give them every chance to shine.

·         Coach them on how to talk to people so that their words are not offensive.

·         Enlist help from those that are complaining.

Tip

·         Don't be surprised at how well these bright people take to coaching and the “challenge” of being better leaders.

·         Deceitful or Underhanded People

·         Deliberately lie, cheat and double-cross

·         Distort situations

·         Tell half truths

·         Primary concern is their career over yours

Welcher boss

·         They go back on promises they never intend to keep.

·         You are left to deal with someone's immature and irresponsible behavior and they have control over your career.

Strategy

·         Your goal is to get the boss to keep his promise and stop blaming you for the problems he creates.

·         Talk about the problem as his, not yours.

·         Discuss mutual goals and remind him of the benefits of keeping his promises.

·         Make it easy for him to keep his promises.

Tip

·         Tactfully reassure them that you will help them get where they want to go. Welchers believe they have to control everything because of others' incompetence.

Back pedaler bosses

·         They back out of a promise, an offer or a deal and leave you twisting in the wind.

·         They usually mean well at the time they give their word.

·         They shrug off the back pedaling as part of business.

Strategy

·         To avoid future emotional turmoil and wasted expenditure of your time

·         Get it in writing!

·         Confront them professionally and calmly.

Tip

·         When you work for a back pedaler, you have to take an “I believe it when I see it” attitude.

Backstabber colleagues

·         Nice to your face, but are very critical of  you behind your back.

Strategy

·         Objective is to get the backstabber to stop.  If criticism about your work is legitimate, then it has to be aired and resolved. If not, state what you expect is legitimate criticism back to you.

·         Confront them.

·         Own the mistake of it was yours, apologize immediately.

·         Offer them a graceful way out.

Tip

·         If you allow backstabbing to continue, it can harm your reputation. Take care of this situation immediately.

Bluffer subordinates

·         They are misleading or fakers.

·         They don't know, and they won't check it out.

·         They conceal the truth or outright lie or misrepresent data so that they look competent.

·         Response may be that “he had trouble hearing or understanding your request.”

Strategy

·         Your goal is for everyone tuned in to the same channel. Adjust the wavelength.

·         Clarify instructions. Shorten reporting periods.

·         Get better, give feedback and do it more frequently.

·         Link individual performance to team spirit.

Tip

·         Subordinates bluff for many reasons, most out of insecurity. Tune in, pay attention and make them believe you are on their side.

Shrewd or manipulative people

·         No respect for differing points of view.

·         Because of their need to keep the upper hand, they cannot enjoy competition.

·         They don't think of how they might be affecting you. To them people are pawns.

·         They habitually hide their true feelings.

·         Often extremely intelligent.

Whip cracker bosses

·         Overly ambitious bosses who overload you and place unreasonable demands on you at work and in your personal life.

Strategy

·         Twofold: Improve your quality of life and get out from under the thumb of Simon Legree.

·         Negotiate for a reasonable workload.

·         Suggest way to a manager's heart−show how to cut costs.

·         Make case for a trial run.

·         Allay the fear that you are not there when you are needed.

·         Get your agreement in writing.

Tip

·         Negotiate your way to a better life. These bosses are more concerned with getting work done than with making you miserable.  Speak up!

Imposer colleague

·         Take unfair advantage of your time, talent and good nature.

·         No regard for your schedule or daily demands−their project is always a fire drill.

Strategy

·         Free yourself from doing what you don't want to do.

·         You don't need a reason to refuse someone's request.

·         Sandwich your refusal between a compliment or helpful comment.

·         Practice firm responses at home.

·         Suggest more appropriate ways to deal with the problem.

Tip

·         Refuse to be used. No one is helped when you are carrying the workload of two.

Bootlicker subordinate

·         Fawn over the boss.

·         Seek favors.

·         Tell you what you want to hear.

·         Use insincere compliments.

·         Want to be noticed.

·         Manage to avoid work, or skirt evaluation.

Strategy

·         Regain control of your position.

·         Start asking the right questions. Don't worry about being resented. You are not at work to make friends.

·         Be firm and resolute when making assignments.

·         Build the bootlicker's confidence through appropriate task assignment.

·         Teach them the proper way to praise.

·         Be constructive when criticizing.

Tip

·         Help an exploitive subordinate by working on their self confidence. Make sure your directives are always clear and understood.

Snitcher subordinates

·         Tattle on their peers and spread rumors about them.

·         Frustrated by lack of advancement.

·         Take on the role of informant in an effort to gain an upper hand.

Strategy

·         Sort the information you are getting from the snitch. You have to separate nasty gossip from possible operational problems.

·         Teach tattletales to solve their own problems.

·         Determine whether you need to change procedures that encourage tattletales.

·         Tune in and listen to the “water cooler chatter.”

Tip

·         A lot of snitching usually indicates a problem with policy enforcement, so the team takes matters into their own hands.

Rumor monger subordinate

·         Gossips who spread unverified facts of questionable origin.

·         Motivated not by malice, but by the need for recognition. Low self-esteem.

·         They interpret events based on their own interests.

Strategy

·         Keep you door open. You want to know about problems.

·         Cut short decidedly gossip oriented conversation.

·         Ask rumor mongers a lot of questions. Verify what is first-hand information.

Tip

·         Listen to the rumors, but sort out the gossip from the truth.

Type 5, rude and abrasive people

·         Rudeness is more pervasive than ever before.

·         Usually, this culture starts at the top.

·         Management cannot ignore the problem as it effects productivity and morale.

Ridiculing bosses

·         Belittle you with taunting wit that barely covers their true feelings.

·         Use sarcasm to express dissatisfaction.

Strategy

·         You sense that the boss is trying to tell you something. Your objective is to get them to be straightforward with you.

·         Schedule a private meeting to talk.

·         Ask the boss to explain what she meant by those remarks.

Tip

·         Often, these bosses see themselves as comics, but they don't get that they are not funny. Unless you indicate otherwise, it will Continue.

Interrupting colleagues

·         Pester you with phone calls.

·         Interrupt conversations.

·         Burst into your office uninvited.

·         Waste time in meetings by whispering to the people next to them while you talk.

Strategy

·         Your aim is to break them of their disturbing work habits, and to do so, you have to interrupt back.

·         Do so gently and politely.

·         Be straightforward when explaining why you cannot be interrupted.

·         Snatch back control when interrupted.

·         Stop the rambler with sharp questions and focused comments.

Tip

·         Interrupters are not aware or don't care that they are inconveniencing you. Let them know!

Free spirit subordinate

·         Irreverent, impulsive, outspoken.

·         They can come across as tactless and disrespectful.

·         Often a generation gap.

Strategy

·         Find a way to make two divergent views more compatible.

·         Latch on to every opportunity to understand their world view.

·         Call meeting of a group to report your concern.

·         Together, decide on a goal.

Tip

·         Show free spirits what they will gain from your way of doing things.

·         Try a collaborative approach.

Defiant subordinates

·         Insubordinate and disrespectful of policy and rules.

·         Every rule is challenged and complained about.

Strategy

·         Get peak performance from all of your employees.

·         Check your own attitude.

·         Get right to the point when discussing the problem.

·         Let defiant workers get their gripes off their chest.

Tip

·         People have a hard time arguing with what they helped create. Get the whole team involved in the creation of policy and work rules.

Self centered and egotistical people

·         If you talk to them about themselves, they will listen for hours!

·         Something has value only if it relates to their interests.

·         They are often grandstanders who have an inflated sense of their worth to the organization.

Talent waster bosses

·         They won't take the suggestions of the team because their way is always the best.

·         They are cocky and believe they have all the answers and don't want to listen to others' ideas.

·         High turnover in these businesses.

Strategy

·         Persuade your boss to utilize special skills and to see things from a different perspective.

·         Do your homework. You are doing the boss a favor by solving his problem.

·         Put yourself in the boss's shoes.

·         Make an appointment with the boss to discuss specific issues.

·         Consider short-term incremental plans.

Tip

·         If your talents are not being used, you have either not spoken up or not demonstrated your skills.

Prima donna subordinate

·         Temperamental workers that demand special treatment.

·         Moody with short fuses.

·         Often display brilliance for short terms as a tool for manipulating special needs.

Strategy

·         Maintain control by getting the Prima Donna to act responsibly.

·         Call their bluff.

·         Help them become part of the team.

Tip

·         Recognize the game that Prima Donnas play and realize that you are being manipulated. You have to reinforce the rules and stick to them.

Procrastinating or vacillating people

·         People who irrationally postpone what they have to do are generally dealing with self-esteem issues.

·         Blame their habit on not enough time.  Stalling is rooted in fear and rebellion.

Put-off bosses

·         Decision makers who drag their feet but get back to you eventually.

·         They appear to agree with you.

·         Your concern is not their priority.

·         Evasive language is deceiving.

·         Small business owners are the worst offenders.

·         Driven by economic insecurity.

Strategy

·         Your objective is to get a decision made.

·         Stop pushing and lower your level of enthusiasm.

·         Make it easy for put offs to level with you.  Probe with indirect questions.

·         Pick up on evasive terminology. Keep eye contact, stroke the speaker and don't interrupt.

·         Tap into their most compelling desire and tie it to your proposal.

Tip

·         Listen carefully to what Put-Offs are really saying to you. They may want to be honest with you but are afraid they will hurt your feelings or that you cannot take criticism if they are straight-forward.

Helter skelter bosses

·         Bosses who have great difficulty meeting deadlines because of their unstructured and unorganized business practices.

·         Everyone is constantly scrambling to meet crisis-imposed deadlines.

·         Friendly managers don't want to make waves so they don't direct their personnel.

Strategy

·         This is not a horse race. Take the blinders off.

·         Prepare a time sheet for specific tasks.

·         Request regular staff meetings to go over time prioritized action items.

·         Focus on how lack of productivity cuts into profit.

Tip

·         Step up to the plate whatever the reason for your boss's incompetence.

Over committer bosses

·         Nice people who cannot refuse anyone, but have no time to follow through.

·         Love harmony and hate to argue.

·         Promise to do things they don't even agree with.

Strategy

·         Claim the problem as your own.

·         Bring the priorities into focus.

·         Eliminate their dilemma of pleasing by constantly pointing out the benefits of change.

Tip

·         Remover their dilemmas by helping them focus on one project at a time.

Chameleon bosses

·         Changeable and indecisive.

·         Over committers promise in the name of harmony. These people cannot make a decision because of insecurity.

·         Sometimes incompetent and may have been promoted beyond their capability.

Strategy

·         Your goal is to expedite decisions so that hanging issues can be resolved.

·         Refine the content of the information. Don't give them any more information than they need to make the decision.

·         Negotiate the level of information. Does the boss really need to make all of those decisions?

·         Monitor the flow information in your practice.

·         Bosses cannot be perfect. Recognize their  weaknesses and give them additional

support.

Tip

·         Recognize the areas your boss gets confused in and condense the data to help avoid ambiguity. Remember that “boss” does not mean expert at everything.

Dawdler colleagues

·         Waste your time while you wait for their work to be finished.

·         Constantly late for meetings and work.

·         Loiter and linger and move from one task to another without completing anything.

Strategy

·         Free yourself from their unproductive behavior.

·         Have your boss clarify responsibilities.

·         Help dawdlers get organized.

·         Teach them to be punctual.

·         Make sure there is a back-up plan for their assignments when you know they will be late.

Tip

·         Don't tolerate this behavior. Make sure your supervisor knows if your efforts to help have not been effective.

Clock-watcher subordinates

·         Try to get away without working.

·         Act as if the company owes them a living.

·         Indifference often stems from lack of pride in their own or the company's goods and services.

Strategy

·         To get them to perform as others so that the workload is distributed fairly.

·         Look first at your instructions and policies.

·         Ask what is wrong instead of accusing.

·         Begin a program of pride in the company, department or service.

·         Create challenge, excitement and fun.

Tip

·         Don't nag. These folks are usually competent but are not being challenged or are seriously disgruntled about some aspect of work. Get to the root of the problem and eliminate it.

Rigid and obstinate people

·         Rigidity kills creativity.

·         Trust and fear are the underlying causes.

·         When Your Boss is Inflexible

·         Iron-willed. My way or the highway.

·         They are in charge and don't you forget it.

·         Don't want to hear complaints and their rigidity is unshakable.

Strategy

·         Get your obstinate boss to entertain a new way. Your aim is to achieve more open discussion.

·         Gain insight by pretending. Focus your thoughts on management concerns.

·         Point out consequences of his/her actions.

·         Explain the mutual benefits.

·         Show your willingness to own the consequences if your idea fails.

·         Acknowledge costs and obstacles.

·         Go in the back door by creating the market.

Tip

·         Reshape your request and repeat it. People refuse for one reason and agree for another.

Chapter and verse colleagues

·         They know every rule and policy by heart, and they never deviate form it or look outside the box for solutions.

·         Numb to personal needs.

·         Seem void of feeling.

Strategy

·         Goals is to work in a more relaxed environment and get the chapter and verse to loosen up.

·         Appeal to their self image.

·         Get them to go from what is to what might be.

Tip

·         Win them over by promising to use their computer brains after you have implemented the new idea. Do not let them kill creativity.

Silent, screw up subordinates

·         Need help but are too stubborn to ask.

·         False pride, shame based.

·         Chronically botch assignments.

Strategy

·         Bolster their self concept so that they feel secure enough to ask for help.

·         Be clear about your expectations.

·         Be sure your instructions are crystal clear.  Verbal and written.

·         Encourage their development by forcing them to mutually problem solve.

·         Remember that their resistance is based in insecurity, not insubordination.

Tip

·         They need your reassurance that it is a sign of wisdom to know what you don't know.

Stubborn mule subordinate

·         Rigid to the rules.

·         Cannot comprehend exceptions to policy.  Cannot go with the flow.

·         Fine workers, but  they turn up the tension level when things don't go as planned.

Strategy

·         Reduce the practice tension by getting them to bend or compromise.

·         Find a time to talk privately.

·         Ask probing questions.  Usually there is an underlying reason (in their mind) for strict adherence.

·         Reexamine your training procedures.

·         Unreasonable attitude could stem form exaggerated fear of consequences.

·         Reward risk taking.

Tip

·         Usually an unreasonable position stems from a previous hurt or slight.  Dig beneath the surface to find the root of the frustration.

·         The Land of the Uncommunicative:  Tight Lipped or Taciturn People

·         Feedback is not in their vocabulary.

·         Don't know what they are thinking.

·         Their silence is used as power.

Iceberg bosses

·         Unsociable, aloof, uninterested in exchanging ideas.

·         Not out to scare you−they just aren't thinking of you.

·         Not interested in your arguments because they have already made up their minds.

Strategy

·         Get them to open up so that you can be reassured that you are on the right track.

·         Find a way to help the boss and yourself. “More time, less work, good news.”

·         Look for time savers.

·         Look for morale boosters for you and the boss.

Tip

·         Pay the price to melt the ice.

·         Put more effort into earning their trust and respect.

Clam bosses

·         Unresponsive and refuse to open up and share.

·         You sweat from lack of feedback and they will not tell you what you want or need to hear.

Strategy

·         Use questions to pry the clam open. Make sure they are open-ended questions.

·         Don't move a muscle until they respond.  Use the silence to your advantage.

·         If they are the boss, acknowledge their authority, don't threaten it. Present your ideas as consideration.

Tip

·         Don't worry about why they are that way.  Focus on the goal of: “We are on the same team, so what can I do to help you”?

Evading bosses

·         Cannot stand confrontation of any sort.

·         They are nice, but weak leaders.

·         They keep still because they are thinking if they don't make a move, no one can accuse them of being wrong.

Strategy

·         Force the evader out of the hole.

·         Make an appointment with the boss.

·         Write down what is bothering you and share it two ways.

·         Get directly to the point in the meeting.

Tip

·         You have to force their hand because they will go to any length to avoid the conversation.

Tongue tied subordinates

·         Inarticulate and shy.

·         Can't seem to voice their opinions.

·         Won't ask a question that might make them appear ignorant.

 Complaining or critical people

·         You are automatically wrong.

·         Shed their responsibility by telling you how it is not their fault.

·         Usually the first to point out fault.

Nitpicker bosses

·         Find out the minutia and criticize it.

·         Take joy in having things done over.

·         Concerned about inconsequential things.

Strategy

·         To be allowed to work more independently and increase trust with your boss.

·         Avoid direct criticism of your boss.

·         Be ready to capitalize on the attention of your boss. Turn it into a positive.

·         Work on your listening and response skills.

Hanging judge bosses

·         They blame you before all the facts are in.

·         Blame others for troubles they have created.

·         They are not as interested in the answer as they are in control.

Strategy

·         Get out of the trap the master manipulator has set for you and stop being the scapegoat. Show you are more useful as an ally than as a victim.

·         Let go of your hurt feelings.

·         Deal with their hostility by not backing down and demanding respect.

·         Criticize without doubting their authority.

·         Provide a gracious way out.

Tip

·         Be prepared to go a few rounds. Many bosses did not get where they are without some shrewd and developed manipulation skills.

Whiners

·         Cry babies who protest the unimportant.

·         Driven by childish insecurity.

·         Exaggerate to prove their point

Self beraters

·         Whatever is wrong is my fault.

·         Looking for constant reassurance.

·         Overly critical of their own work.

·         Make it difficult to ever criticize them.

·         Strategy

·         Help these team members accept responsibility, improve team spirit and gain self-confidence.

·         Don't do your subordinates work for them.  Put the monkey back on them.

·         Refuse to be a referee and get the whiners to own their inappropriate communication style.

·         Explain the “cost” of their behavior.

Listening skills and responses

·         Do you listen to understand or to prepare a response?

·         No interruptions.

·         Listen for big picture and main ideas.

·         Maintain eye contact. Pay attention to body language.

·         Restate and clarify.

·         Monitor emotions. Emotion and civility are often not congruent states.

Tactful phrasing

·         Useful to keep and maintain professional dignity.

·         Designed to keep conversation impersonal.

When you disagree

·         It seems to me that the problem is..

·         My concern is that we may not have enough…

·         Please explain this to me. There appears to be an error…

·         While I don't agree with your conclusion, you certainly have a right to your opinion.

·         Would it be possible for you to recheck…?

When you are interrupted

·         Pardon me I'm not through. Just give me a few seconds to finish my point.

When you run into a buzz saw

·         Obviously you are too upset to talk about this now. I'll talk to you later.

·         We don't have to agree, but is there any reason we can't be civil with each other?

·         I can see why you may feel that way…

·         You'd have every right to feel that way if that were

the case.

·         I understand you have a problem with that, but I expect to be treated with courtesy and respect and the professionalism I've earned.

·         Please tell me frankly what I have done to offend you.

When you are feeling pressured

·         I don't feel totally comfortable (with that) (talking about that)

·         Don't you think it would be a good idea to hold off until….?

When you reprimand

·         What steps would you suggest to correct that?

·         I am sure you don't realize it but…

·         Perhaps you don't understand the consequences that could result from…

·         Maybe I failed to make myself clear…

When you want to express your anger

·         I have to tell you that I felt offended by that remark.

·         I was upset when I realized the decision was based on…

·         I felt I was treated badly when  I wasn't informed in advance about the change.

When you want to clear up confusion

·         I'd appreciate your help with this muddled negotiation. Is it true that you said…?

·         When all the facts are in and verified, it will be apparent that…

·         Looks like following this system got our signals crossed. However, we can…

·         Perhaps I misunderstood you. Are you saying that…?

·         Let me see if I understand this. Am I correct in assuming you feel…?