Practice in the Real World- Visitors from Planet XX

I have been made to observe the following video clips in order for Baldy to better understand our approach on planet Earth.

(Baldy turns video machine on.)

Video clip 1, March 1991

Janice Bennett waits patiently for Dr. Barnes in the small exam room. Billy the rabbit sits patiently on the table. His little pink nose moved rhythmically up and down as he makes an occasional measured 180-degree turn on the stainless-steel surface. Billy makes no real effort to jump from the table but investigates the edges from time to time. Sitting patiently with Janice is Julie, who is petting Slink, her female ferret. Julie is 10 years old and loves animals. In the corner, oblivious to the surroundings is James, her younger brother. James is manipulating a small portable Nintendo game and makes no attempt to interact with anyone.

Dr. Jim Barnes makes a brief appearance, walks to the back and returns with his stethoscope. After some preliminary conversations and a determination of ear mites for Billy, Julie places Slink on the table. She is barely able to hold him as he slinks and moves in repeated figure-eights as if swimming in some of unseen liquid medium.

"Julie is going to be a veterinarian," she almost shouted as Dr. Barnes nodded in approval.

"She has wanted to be a vet since we got Billy and loves animals so much."

Dr. Barnes spends a few minutes talking about his hospital and the coursework involved. Janice and Julie make a weak effort to listen, but they are engrossed in the antics of their two pets. From the corner comes a muted and tinny melody from the Nintendo game. James cracks his first smile.

Video clip 2, May 1997

Dr. Barnes arrives at the Bennett home at 10 a.m. At first, it appears that no one is around. He parks and opens the door to his F-150 and grabs a small medicine case and a few odds and ends. As he looks up, he sees Julie and Janice striding from the barn. They have called him out to look at Stanley, an old Shetland pony they acquired from the next county some years ago. Now taller than her mother, Julie is an accomplished English rider and calls another vet out for her two riding horses.

In a small stall Dr. Barnes looks at the old pony. Stanley is having another bout with founder and with treatment will survive once again his own gastronomical indiscretions. His little hooves have all the ridges to prove it.

After Stanley's treatment and final instructions, Julie starts to give him a rub down.

At this point Janice steps up and asks, "Dr. Barnes, Julie has been accepted to Hanover College and will be taking all the animal coursework she can find. Will you give her a recommendation to vet school?"

Dr. Barnes is quick to respond to being cornered.

"Certainly, but will Julie come to the practice and work for me in the kennel and as an assistant first? She really needs some work time with a veterinarian in order to get in the state university."

"She is so busy. I'll ask her but her show schedule and school schedule won't allow it. She will be glad to know you will give her a recommendation however."

Dr. Barnes stands silently. Just then, James walks up playing his new Game Boy. He ambles on by and never said a word.

Video clip 3, Jan. 2000 at Hanover College

It is a Friday evening and Julie sits halfway back with her buddy Angela in the classroom at Hanover Hall. This is the first meeting of the pre-vet club for the second semester, and a small bearded man strides to the lectern. He begins a PowerPoint presentation concerning the current environmental evils of the world, including the exploitation of animals. The bearded man makes a convincing argument, and his lecture falls on mostly sympathetic ears. There is a lot of nodding in the audience.

After the lecture, Julie notes that she might want to eventually work for some sort of humane organization for horses. Angela thinks that is cool. She is from Julie's hometown and asks, "What's your brother doin' these days?"

Julie nodded her head sideways a bit then said, "He is coming to Hanover next year on scholarship. He wants to double major in business management and information technology. He's got the grades to do it, but his social skills are nada."

They both laughed and headed back to the dorms.

Video clip 4, State College, May 2004

Janice and Bruce Bennett beam as Julie crosses the stage. Her walk is a bit formal as it is obvious that she isn't used to wearing high heels. Nonetheless, Julie smiles and looks very professional as she receives her veterinary diploma. As she descends the short stairway, she makes history. Julie Bennett unknowingly has become the very woman to make the veterinary profession officially a female majority.

Next to Janice, James watches with pride. He has been thoughtful enough to take a few pictures with his cell phone.

(Baldy stops the video machine.)

Interview questions from Baldy:

During this interview, Dr. Lane is under the influence of a mild sedative from planet XX that has been injected to help him provide more truthful answers to questions pertinent to Baldy's investigation.

Baldy: Why do people keep ferrets for pets?

Lane: I really don't have a clue unless they want to learn a lot more about pancreatic and adrenal physiology.

Baldy: It appears in your world, females are interested in going into veterinary care. But why is young James so uninterested in the veterinary field?

Lane: Young males have been getting into information technology down here for about 15 years. Our culture is moving to a culture that elevates animals to the level of "fellowship" with humans. I fear this confuses young males who simply want to play war games on a computer screen or "hunt and gather."

Baldy: Why does the Bennett family use a different animal doctor for their riding horses?

Lane: Dr. Barnes does not wear a cowboy hat, and his belt buckle is too small.

Baldy: In video clip 3, what kind of man is the man with the beard?

Lane: He is a liberal.

Baldy: What does that mean?

Lane: It means he eats a lot of tofu and irritates a lot of small business owners.

Baldy: Why do women wear high heels?

Lane: It makes them look elegant. This is also the way dogs and cattle walk—on the balls of their feet. I am sure there is no connection there, however.

Baldy: You are not making a lot of sense. My boss will not be happy unless you give me better information.

Lane: Well maybe it will help if you let me ask you some questions like: "How did you know to video clip Julie Bennett?"

Baldy: Our computer and behavior models predicted her to be the official woman to break the 50-percent barrier.

Lane: But why are you really here?

Baldy: (pauses) We are having trouble on planet XX, and we thought we might learn something down here. (Baldy's mood changed, and she moved closer to my right ear.)

Several hundred years ago on planet XX, we used to have what you call men, but we called them "XY". They were hard to get along with and often dominated conversations and didn't like to cook much except on an outdoor "pit". They liked to watch sports programs and pretty much took the XX for granted. They also seemed to dominate the business and financial world.

Now you must know that our civilization is far ahead of yours in genetic research. After years of cloning and stem-cell research, we discovered how to ovulate in a manner that allowed us to reproduce asexually. This meant that we no longer needed the "XY's" at all. In fact, once we started reproducing asexually, we put a bounty on all the XY on the planet. Then within a few years, we had exterminated them all. At first life got a lot better.

Unfortunately, we have a poor self image, and we started to hate our children because they reminded us too much of ourselves. Eventually war broke out all over the planet in spite of our highly developed ability to show sensitivity and nurturing. Things are just falling apart right now.

Lane: The XX have been running things for some time now on your planet. How is the veterinary profession doing out there?

Baldy: Well frankly the Kogs and Dreegs (cats and dogs) have overwhelmed our cities. After the XY were killed off, we went to planet-wide no-kill shelters, and our global economy collapsed within 10 years trying to save all the animals. Our sanitation systems became dysfunctional, and the XX started dying from various public health diseases.

Lane: So what happened next?

Baldy: (now almost weeping) We started injecting some of the XX with Smeethy (testosterone) in order to gain some balance in our planet-wide organizations.

Lane: Did that help anything?

Baldy: (recovering somewhat) All I know for sure is that beer and hardware sales are up. We are in such a mess, and we need more real XY males again.

Lane: What do you want us to do about your problem?

Baldy: Two things—I will tell you one now and the final request will come at the end of the column. First, I have been sent here to warn you that eliminating men is not a good idea. Others have come before and videotaped events on your planet. They have found that there is a trend among the world's women that indicates the XY—sorry I mean men—are root of all your world problems.

Lane: Can there be any real hope for us?

Baldy: (waxing philosophical) Yes, but your profession has simply gone from old guys to young women. It seems that all this talk on all your veterinary college Web sites about diversity is just so much hsawgoh (hogwash). There are now hardly any men or minorities in your veterinary colleges. Your profession is the least diverse profession on your planet.

Therefore, you must really be true to your culture and profession. This means that equality can only come by being true and transparent with each other. You must actively recruit minorities that now include men. (Lane gasps in spite of the sedative).

This means working at all times with the other gender and races and creeds—not against them in any way.

Lane: (Thinking to himself: "transparency"—no one has really tried that yet.)

Baldy: We have to admit the XY are a "pain in rear" most of the time, but we don't understand certain things?

Lane: Like what?

Baldy: Well, why are the XX on your planet complaining when most the XY overwork themselves, die and leave all the money to the XX? And now since Julie Bennett has made your profession officially female, why do you still have an organization called the Association of Women Veterinarians? This makes no sense to us.

Lane: Well Baldy, there was a time not so long ago in our profession when women were severely discriminated against. College admissions committees around the world actively screened out women from the profession for a variety of stupid reasons.

The only problem we have now is that women are not stepping up to leadership positions in the numbers we need to deal with the issues we face. Therefore, we need women's organizations as incubators for new leadership in the profession.

Baldy: (did not like this answer) We are jealous of the women on this Earth. They have their bread buttered on both sides. We will not be denied access to your XY.

Lane: (now sensing the evil purpose at hand)

Baldy: Now the final request: We need several hundred XY to repopulate our planet. If you provide them for us, we will never need to return again.

Lane: And if I cannot or will not do that for you and your leaders on planet XX?!!

Baldy: Then we will take them by force.

Lane: (after a long pause) Baldy, there is a large federal penitentiary about 10 miles from here. Your welcome to anyone you see lifting weights. I think most of them won't be missed.

Author’s Note: Although I am an older Caucasian male from Illinois, please note that this article is being transcribed into English while I am being held hostage by an asexual alien named Baldy from planet XX. These paragraphs are my transcriptions of the notes he made from four visits to our planet to discover the status of “creature care” and gender in our world.