Understanding anticipatory grief in pet owners

Anticipatory grief is the emotional response that pet owners experience when they foresee the inevitable loss of a beloved companion animal. For many, this begins with a diagnosis of a terminal illness or the gradual decline of a pet’s quality of life or a combination of chronic and age-related conditions. Unlike grief that occurs after a loss, anticipatory grief unfolds while the pet is still alive, and it can be a lengthy, roller-coaster–like experience as owners juggle feelings of hope, sadness, fear, and acceptance.

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As veterinarians, understanding anticipatory grief is essential for supporting clients who may be struggling with complex emotions. It also provides insight into how these emotions can shape decision-making and impact caregiver burden, both of which are key to providing empathetic and effective end-of-life care.

Key characteristics of anticipatory grief include the following:

• Emotional volatility: Owners may feel a mix of sadness, guilt, denial, anger, or fear on any given day.
• Worry and anxiety about the future: Many fear the when and how of their pet’s death.
• Guilt and doubt: Questions of whether they’re doing enough or if they’re making the right choices are common.

Recognizing and naming these feelings can be therapeutic for pet owners, who may not realize that the heavy emotions they’re experiencing are both normal and valid.

How anticipatory grief affects decision-making

For pet owners, each decision—from pursuing a treatment to choosing hospice care, to ultimately deciding on euthanasia—can be charged with emotional weight. Anticipatory grief influences these choices in several ways.

1 Procrastination and delayed decision-making:

Anticipatory grief can lead to avoidance because owners fear making any decision that might hasten their pet’s death. This can result in prolonged suffering for the animal and emotional stress for the owner. Educating owners on options for palliative care or hospice services can help them feel they are actively supporting their pet’s well-being rather than avoiding hard choices.

2 Impulsive decisions fueled by guilt:

Conversely, some pet owners may feel guilty and worry that they are not doing enough for their pets, leading them to pursue aggressive treatments. Guilt-driven decisions often lead to regret later. As a veterinarian, you can help by discussing quality-of-life assessments with owners and providing guidance on balancing treatment options with the pet’s comfort and quality of life in mind.

3 Conflicted choices in balancing personal needs:

Pet owners may face internal conflict when their pet’s needs start to impact their own lives and quality of life significantly. Caregivers can feel torn between attending to their pet and managing their responsibilities, such as work and family. It is helpful for veterinarians to remind pet families that it’s OK to consider their well-being because it affects their ability to care for their pets effectively.

4 Pressure to “do the right thing”:

Society often imposes unspoken expectations on pet owners to go above and beyond for their animals. Owners may feel pressured to pursue every possible intervention. Veterinarians play a pivotal role in providing owners with objective information about what constitutes humane and compassionate care, helping them make choices that align with their values, budgets, and their pet’s best interest

The impact on caregiver burden

As anticipatory grief intensifies, it often leads to caregiver burden, where the physical, emotional, and financial demands of caring for a declining pet become overwhelming. Pet owners can experience fatigue, depression, anxiety, and even physical symptoms caused by stress. This burden not only affects the caregiver but can also inadvertently impact the pet’s quality of life.

Ways veterinarians can help alleviate caregiver burden

1 Offering empathy and validation:

Simple acknowledgment of an owner’s emotional burden can be incredibly powerful. Assuring them that it’s OK to feel overwhelmed can provide a sense of relief and a safe space for them to share their concerns.

2 Providing guidance on setting limits:

Pet owners may need support in setting boundaries on how much time, energy, or resources they’re able to devote to caregiving. Provide realistic advice on self-care ,and encourage them to lean on supportive networks, whether that’s family, friends, caregiving and anticipatory grief support groups, or a mental health professional.

3 Suggesting resources and support:

Directing owners to pet loss support groups or counseling resources can be beneficial, especially for those deeply impacted by the thought of losing their pet. These resources offer a community where owners can feel understood and less isolated. For example, Caring Pathways is an end-of-life practice with a grief support specialist on staff who connects with families who are experiencing anticipatory grief. A standard packet of information about anticipatory grief is provided to all Caring Pathways hospice and palliative clients. Many crematories also employ grief specialists who may be available to your clients, and local pet loss support groups often welcome those anticipating a loss to attend. Additionally, the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement hosts a free chat-based anticipatory grief support group on the first Thursday of each month from 8 to 10 pm EST.

4 Providing educational tools and quality-of-life assessments:

Many owners struggle to gauge their pet’s comfort objectively, making it hard to recognize when a pet is suffering. Quality-of-life assessment tools can help owners make informed decisions about their pet’s well-being. These tools can be introduced early in the caregiving journey to help owners track changes and adjust care decisions over time. Virtual quality-of-life consultations are available nationwide from dedicated end-of-life veterinary professionals and can provide reassurance as well as second (and even third) opinions for families struggling with decisionmaking. Caring Conversations (https://caringconversations.pet/) has also provided support to families all over the country and reinforces the veterinary care they are receiving through the end-of-life process.

Communication strategies for veterinarians

Navigating conversations with owners dealing with anticipatory grief requires sensitivity and openness. Here are some key strategies for providing support.

1 Normalize their experience:

Use language that validates their feelings. Acknowledging that grief often begins long before a pet dies can help owners feel less alone in their experience.

2 Encourage open dialogue:

Asking questions like, “How are you feeling about [pet’s name]’s current state?” or “What are your hopes and worries about the upcoming months?” can invite owners to share openly. Listening with empathy and without judgment can help them feel heard.

3 Provide clear information and reassurance:

Be transparent about the pet’s health but avoid overwhelming them with medical jargon. Offering reassurance, such as “Our goal is to ensure [pet’s name] is as comfortable as possible,” can help reduce anxiety and promote trust.

4 Empower owners with options:

Help owners understand the range of options for their pet’s care and the potential outcomes. Knowing that they have choices can provide them with a sense of control, which can ease the stress of anticipatory grief.

Takeaways

As veterinarians, understanding anticipatory grief can deepen our empathy and improve our ability to support pet owners through difficult times. By recognizing how grief affects decision-making and caregiver burden, we can guide our clients in making choices that honor their pet’s quality of life and help alleviate their emotional strain. With compassionate communication, we can ensure that pet owners feel supported, understood, and empowered throughout their journey, ultimately helping both them and their beloved pets experience a dignified end-of-life transition.

Anticipatory grief is challenging, but with the right tools, support, and guidance, veterinarians can make a meaningful difference in the lives of pet owners. Compassionate care can turn a difficult journey into one of peace, love, and healing for both the caregiver and the pet.

Tyler Carmack, DVM, CHPV, CVPP, CVA, CVFT, CTPEP, CPEV, is the director of hospice and palliative care for Caring Pathways. She founded Hampton Roads Veterinary Hospice, an end-of-life practice based in Virginia and accredited by the American Animal Hospital Association and has exclusively practice hospice and palliative care since 2011. She has served on the board of directors of the International Association for Animal Hospice and Palliative Care since 2016 in various roles, including president in 2020 and 2025. Carmack holds certifications in animal hospice and palliative care, veterinary pain management, peaceful euthanasia, veterinary acupuncture, and traditional Chinese veterinary medicine in food therapy and end-of-life care.